Your questions crack open my heart…..
Nyoshul Khen Rinpoche used to tell a story which helped me a great deal when I reflected on it over many years…..and Bruce is right the blossoming of compassion in ones heart takes time, and faith…not just for others but for oneself as well….be kind to yourself…don’t push the river….trust in your guru allow the practices to soften your heart and compassion will blossom ….let go of any striving or goals, try to experience the practice moment to moment…right here, right now within your being…
Emptiness and transience… so difficult to grasp this little story which he shared with me which helped me so much I wish to share with you..
may it be a beneift to you as well dear one…
Everyday a monk walked by a particular spot near the Great Maha Stupa. In the exact same place everyday was a nun, rain or shine practicing intensely with devotion. for some reason she stood out in his mind and he started to pay a bit more attention to her and her practice, sometimes even making offerings to her….her behaviour he noticed over time was a bit peculiar, a bit odd. For the first half of the day she wept…It seemed that she wept with her whole being…so much so that Empathy arose in the young monks heart and he kept her image in his heart, what could be causing this nun to weep so, with all of her being…….Then out of concern he would pass this way again in the late afternoon, at dusk but when he came to the usual place where she was practicing instead of tears she was laughing almost hysterically again with her full being..
After several weeks of this the compassion that arose in his heart gave him the courage to ask her directly…are you alright, what is going on with you…Everyday I see you crying and laughing…such extremes…..please share with me your experience, what is the cause of this behaviour.
She answered him tears streaming down her face: sentient beings are suffering in Samsara, I see them suffer so, it brings me great sadness to see them suffer and I wish to free all of them from this suffering, but the suffering is vast and I am just a simple nun what can I do so I weep, they have opened my heart….
Then the monk asked again… I understand, this touches my heart as well especially when I see how it has touched your heart…But please tell me what of the laughing, why do you laugh as if someone told a big joke or funny story at the end of the day..
The nun answered as I contemplate impermanence, the inevitability of death, karma, the faults of Samsara and the illusory nature of all things, Emptiness then I realize that everything is ridiculous, that there is no being, no suffering and that the very cause of the suffering is ignorance…it is all ridiculous, a great big joke…no one really needs to suffer
And then the next day I again am sad because they do not know….
Be well, I hope this helps a little, and that you feel you can come here and ask and connect,
Tsunma Jamyang