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Real Kindness: No Agenda


Real kindness drops any agenda. And cultivating agenda-free kindness makes our actions really meaningful.   In this audio excerpt, Phakchok Rinpoche requests that we refocus our efforts on just being kind. He introduces a new way for us to think about kindness.


Real Kindness without an Agenda: Not Ego-based Kindness

Real kindness is not about you and how you benefit.  Instead, real kindness is about the other person.

Real kindness means that you aren’t looking for praise or thanks. We don’t attach strings to that kindness–we act kindly without expectation. Agenda-free kindness doesn’t look for something in return.  And, on a spiritual level, this pure kindness doesn’t include calculations of how this will bring about enlightenment or accumulate merit for oneself. We need to let all that go.  Instead, we can approach kindness very simply.  Think, “I just want to be kind”. That in itself is a very pure motivation.  Start small by being kind to people close to you.

Expanding kindness

Gradually, as we develop our kindness muscles, we can expand outwards.  We can do this individually, or together with our dharma friends.  We can come together, as the Malaysian sangha recently demonstrated, to practice kind gestures such as generosity.

Eventually, we can sincerely speak of kindness “wherever  space pervades” and we extend our actions accordingly. But, this is a gradual process, and we proceed slowly.  Rinpoche observes that in his experience, he finds being kind is a very difficult practice.  Honestly speaking, he finds it more difficult to practice than meditation. Why would he say that?  Because, when we meditate, we give our minds a break.  First, we let our mind focus on a virtuous or neutral object. Then, we tell our mind to just sit and not focus – to let go.  And we may think, “Everything is emptiness”. Right? That can be very easy!

However, kindness isn’t a break.  So, as often happens, when we meet someone we don’t like, we experience difficulties.  Our peaceful meditative and kind minds seem to vanish. At that time, if we keep trying to meditate, we often can’t. Because we are face to face with someone we have problems with and we need to interact with her or him. Our calmness and openness often shuts down at this stage.  Or people may flatter us and we begin to feel suspicious.  And in those situations, we have lost our kindness. And when we lose our kindness, then our entire practice is damaged.  Rinpoche says that if our minds are not kind, our practice is not worthwhile.

Blind Kindness: The Practice of the Bodhisattvas

Real kindness comes easier when you are blind.  Blind in this sense means non-judgmental. When we start thinking too much, kindness cannot arise because our thinking has already taken over.  And with lots of concepts, our kindness disappears. Blind love can be better than smart love! Blind kindness is a little better sometimes– although sometimes we need to pause and consider the situation–think a bit about it. Rinpoche here is not suggesting we behave foolishly out of kindness.  However, he points out that our usual pattern is to overthink.

We often talk about the mind, but sometimes we forget the heart.   The Buddha didn’t forget kindness; but we often forget.  So, just be kind!  And if we are kind, then we can become a real Bodhisattva. Bodhisattvas practice this blind compassion without expectation for results.  Their only objective is to be kind throughout their practice. And this attitude, Rinpoche explains, shows the true value of the Buddha’s teachings. But, we must understand that this is easy to say, but difficult to do.



At the end of the teaching, please remember to dedicate the merit of receiving a Dharma teaching. As you go through your day, take a few moments from time to time to recall these instructions.

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June 1, 2018

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